Sixth-Grader Finds Candy Heart That Says ‘Nice T*ts’
Usually, Valentine’s Day candy hearts say boring things like “I LOVE YOU” and “MY BABY” (or, once, “WEB SITE.”) But if you’re lucky you’ll get something exciting—like the 12-year-old who got a candy heart that said “NICE TITS.”
Valentine’s Day is around the corner, which means it’s time to start collecting our favorite “Candy Heart Printed With Obscenity, Presumably Through Comedy of Errors” stories! Today’s comes from North Highlands, Calif., where (reports KCRA) 12-year-old Ciara Bush found, well:
“I thought it was kinda shocking,” said Ciara Bush, “I was reading them and I brought it to my mom after I saw it.”
Her parents were stunned at what they saw.
“Nice Tits,” said Derrick Deanda, reading the message printed on the small piece of candy.
(That excerpt reads kinda differently if you take out everything after “Deanda,” doesn’t it?) This is hilarious and horrible and traumatizing and so forth, because everyone knows the candy heart should have actually said “NICE BREASTS.” It is also a good example of why we shouldn’t teach children to read.
Boringly, though, most likely there was just some kind of mix-up at the candy-heart manufacturing plant and one of the novelty obscene candy hearts—seen pictured above—was put into one of the bags of innocent candy hearts that say things like “I LOVE YOU” and “SEXT ME,” where it was eventually found by young, now permanently-scarred Ms. Bush. How romantic!