I have never hid the fact that I despise talk radio for the very reason that most people who call in to these shows do so just to hear themselves speak. More often than not, it’s a bitchfest of useless drivel followed by some host’s tremendously inflated ego telling a bunch of sheep what to think. Now they need a canned audience to agree with them? This is by far one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. True or false this just really points out why I’ve been an Independent voter for years now. You can’t fix stupid.

Premiere Radio Networks, the radio syndicator that brings you Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, knows better than anyone that its audience consists almost exclusively of mouth-breathing illiterates. That can make talk radio, which theoretically relies on the ability of listeners to dial a telephone and speak coherently, something of a challenge. No worries though, because now there’s Premiere On Call, a service whereby, in exchange for money, a paid voice actor will call your radio show and pretend not to be stupid.

This is a guaranteed money maker! Imagine how dreary life must be as a talk-radio hack, listening to the same lonely shut-ins day after day. Wouldn’t you pay just to hear people pronounce difficult words correctly now and again, even if you knew it was fake? From Tablet, which oddly broke the story and managed to relate it to “this week’s Torah portion”:

“Premiere On Call is our new custom caller service,” read the service’s website, which disappeared as this story was being reported (for a cached version of the site click here). “We supply voice talent to take/make your on-air calls, improvise your scenes or deliver your scripts. Using our simple online booking tool, specify the kind of voice you need, and we’ll get your the right person fast. Unless you request it, you won’t hear that same voice again for at least two months, ensuring the authenticity of your programming for avid listeners.”

Premiere, which is owned by Clear Channel, quickly tried to disappear Premiere on Call and issued a statement assuring listeners that all the callers into Limbaugh et. al. are 100% genuine real morons: “Premiere On Call is not utilized by any of Premiere’s nationally syndicated talent, including Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck.”

via Gawker